Bipolar Mind

If you're bipolar, you know very well how depression feels. If you're not bipolar, I will try to describe to you what it feels like. I'll take you inside my mind and show you, not so you'll feel sorry for people with Bipolar Disorder, but so you can understand them better.

The Dark Place

Imagine you're a young child, say five or six years old. You wake up one morning, walk into your parent's room and discover they're gone. You search frantically through the house, calling out to them. You go outside, but they're not there either. As a matter of fact, there's no other human being in sight. You're alone. You return to the house, go to your room, and start crying. You feel as though your parents don't care. They left you. They don't love you anymore. They left you alone to die. You have no food, no water, and no love. Day turns to night and you're lying alone in your bed, hungry, thirsty, and starved for the affection of your parents. You become hopeless. You just want to die now. You fall asleep in despair. The next morning you wake up and hear your parents in their room. You go to them. They embrace you with all the love in the world. Your heart no longer hurts. You don't care why they were gone. You only care that they're holding you, loving you now. 

Bipolar Disorder is very much like that little analogy in the last paragraph. You can go from total despair, feeling alone and hurting inside, to feeling exuberant. It's an emotional roller-coaster ride. One minute you're fine, the next minute you're not. Living like this can be very mentally draining. Psychologically and physically, your whole self is drained of energy, vitality. 

Hope

There is hope. Being bipolar doesn't have to be hopeless. With medication and counseling, you can live a happy, productive life. I'm a living testament to that. I suffered with this disease since childhood. I wasn't diagnosed until my late thirties. If I had not gone to the doctor I wouldn't be here writing in this blog. I can't describe the despair that this disease brings to a person. I can only give you analogies that try to convey the feelings a bipolar person has during the different phases. There is depression, which is debilitating, but there is also the mania. Sometimes the manic phase can be very pleasurable. You feel on top of the world, as if you could do anything. The only problem with this is, the mania goes away and you often get catapulted into the "dark place" again very rapidly. Imagine winning a million dollars and then have it immediately taken away. Better yet, imagine you go to the doctor thinking your healthy and he or she tells you that you have cancer and will only live another six months. On top of the world on minute, and into the abyss the next. With medication, these mood swings can be stabilized so that you don't have the severe swings. Counseling can help you identify the triggers for both the depression and mania.

The key to managing this disease to know yourself. You might have to go back into your past. Memories might emerge that are unpleasant. As long as those old memories and feelings reside under the surface of your conscious mind they will have a certain amount of control over you and affect your mental health. I personally believe that by exploring the past trauma you can help heal yourself. Always consult with your physician before trying to deal with these traumatic memories. A highly skilled Psychiatrist or Counselor can help you with learn to cope with those old feelings.