Night and Day

If you have Bipolar Disorder you're well aware of the ups and downs of the disease. One day you're on top of the world, the next day you're down in the dumps. When you're feeling on top of the world, nothing can stop you. You feel invincible. When the depression comes, you feel as if a ten ton weight has been placed on your head. You can't get motivated to do anything. Trying to work while you're depressed is like trying to drive a vehicle with a blacked out windshield. Mania is not much different. When your thoughts are racing you can't focus on the task at hand. It can be overwhelming.

Know that you are not alone in your suffering. I've lived with this disease my entire life and I can tell you, I won't be beaten. That's the mentality you have to have. You have to constantly tell yourself that you are in control. You have an disease that can be managed. It's up to you to help manage it. The medications and counseling will help, but at the end of the day it is your responsibility to take control. I realize that in some cases hospitalization is necessary. There are extreme cases where only medications will help, at least in the short term. But, I'm convinced that even in the worst cases the sufferer can do work on their own to help manage the disease. Life is about adapting. Human beings have been adapting for millions of years. We all have that ability inside of us, to adapt.

Here is a great article on managing bipolar: 4 Keys

Exchanging Thoughts

So, you're having some negative thoughts today. You can't seem to shake them. They've taken over your mind. What do you do?

The first thing you should understand is, thoughts are just thoughts. You can't always stop them from coming, but you don't have to latch onto them. You don't have to dwell on them.

Here's a simple exercise to do when you're in a funk:

1. Go to a quiet place where no one can interrupt you.
2. Observe your thoughts. Just watch them. You can close your eyes or focus your attention on an object, like a candle.
3. Continue doing this for 10-15 minutes.
4. Force yourself to think of something positive. Listen to music that uplifts you. Read something positive. 

Don't believe that those negative thoughts control you. You are the observer. You have the power to exchange those negative thoughts for positive ones. It takes practice, but it's worth the time and effort.

Bipolar Mind

If you're bipolar, you know very well how depression feels. If you're not bipolar, I will try to describe to you what it feels like. I'll take you inside my mind and show you, not so you'll feel sorry for people with Bipolar Disorder, but so you can understand them better.

The Dark Place

Imagine you're a young child, say five or six years old. You wake up one morning, walk into your parent's room and discover they're gone. You search frantically through the house, calling out to them. You go outside, but they're not there either. As a matter of fact, there's no other human being in sight. You're alone. You return to the house, go to your room, and start crying. You feel as though your parents don't care. They left you. They don't love you anymore. They left you alone to die. You have no food, no water, and no love. Day turns to night and you're lying alone in your bed, hungry, thirsty, and starved for the affection of your parents. You become hopeless. You just want to die now. You fall asleep in despair. The next morning you wake up and hear your parents in their room. You go to them. They embrace you with all the love in the world. Your heart no longer hurts. You don't care why they were gone. You only care that they're holding you, loving you now. 

Bipolar Disorder is very much like that little analogy in the last paragraph. You can go from total despair, feeling alone and hurting inside, to feeling exuberant. It's an emotional roller-coaster ride. One minute you're fine, the next minute you're not. Living like this can be very mentally draining. Psychologically and physically, your whole self is drained of energy, vitality. 

Hope

There is hope. Being bipolar doesn't have to be hopeless. With medication and counseling, you can live a happy, productive life. I'm a living testament to that. I suffered with this disease since childhood. I wasn't diagnosed until my late thirties. If I had not gone to the doctor I wouldn't be here writing in this blog. I can't describe the despair that this disease brings to a person. I can only give you analogies that try to convey the feelings a bipolar person has during the different phases. There is depression, which is debilitating, but there is also the mania. Sometimes the manic phase can be very pleasurable. You feel on top of the world, as if you could do anything. The only problem with this is, the mania goes away and you often get catapulted into the "dark place" again very rapidly. Imagine winning a million dollars and then have it immediately taken away. Better yet, imagine you go to the doctor thinking your healthy and he or she tells you that you have cancer and will only live another six months. On top of the world on minute, and into the abyss the next. With medication, these mood swings can be stabilized so that you don't have the severe swings. Counseling can help you identify the triggers for both the depression and mania.

The key to managing this disease to know yourself. You might have to go back into your past. Memories might emerge that are unpleasant. As long as those old memories and feelings reside under the surface of your conscious mind they will have a certain amount of control over you and affect your mental health. I personally believe that by exploring the past trauma you can help heal yourself. Always consult with your physician before trying to deal with these traumatic memories. A highly skilled Psychiatrist or Counselor can help you with learn to cope with those old feelings. 

Introducing Me

Welcome to the Freedom Bipolar blog. By sharing my experiences with the disease and my knowledge of how to deal with it, I hope to help someone will find relief from the suffering created by it.

Bipolar affects over 5 million people in America alone (roughly 2.6% of the population). Some studies indicate that this disorder is part genetic. From my own personal experience, I do believe this is the case, as my mother had mental health issues, but unfortunately was never diagnosed. Environmental components also play a role in the development of the disease, as some researchers believe. I also believe this to be true, as my childhood was filled with anxiety and fear, which came from constant fighting between my parents.

If you're suffering with Bipolar Disorder, know that there is hope. Know that you're not alone.